Wondering about wonders

A Summer Sunday Evening..
The whole enviornment is calm. dry yet cool brezee making us more relaxed. We gathered this weekend just to meet and relax, after a weeks busy schedule.
'' Every man quests for Real and truth, but it is more astonishing that, simultaneously he loves dream, just opposite to real...." A friend of me, Nilu told this.
This may be casual in our discussion. but it created thousands of ripples in our mind. We become silient for a few moments.
Sabu( Short name for Sabnam) another friend broke the ice, by a strong na..na.... She said, '' Hey...why you disturbing all our moods.
We are not here to discuss all these Philosophical things. We are here for past five months, but couldnot meet even for a few seconds. We have no time to talk through mobiles.
We all are working in the Journalism sector, which is more social than any other work. We are concerning for others, their activities, their perils, sorrow, their black money , affairs by the cost of our own social life.
In such condition, by god's grace or luck we got this moment to sit togather. Why should we waste it.....''
You may be right but, Nillu's comment is right....is in it???
I asked sabu....
before sabu can react to my question, Ajit, intrrupted '' arey...dont be so serious my friend...all the questions come and go but our life cannont change. We still remain oppressed, tortured, dependent, underpaid. So, we must think about our life....''
...life....i replied..
what sabu said is it not part of our life?
shall we avoid it?
If we force we canot?
It is true that we have no time to ask question ourselves...
hey.... hey.....do't add spice to this situation?
Lipu(short name for lipsa) stood up as if she can beat me any moment
and opposed me voilently.
she said," look if you don't like to sit here than, immediately leave us. Why you wasting time. Tomorrow is not holiday. We all must join work in time. If we pounder on these topic we will not sleep whole night. and we all dont like this... am i correct.
what other's said, they are right and just in their opinion. but the whole thing hounded me as nightmare . I could not get a sound sleep. I feel piercing of thousand in my heart and made turbulance in my brain. all my past life and present struggle rewinded before me..................
I was born and brought up in a conservative brahmin family. My father Banchhanidhi Dash was a retired teacher. My mother is a simple house wife. My father and mother are completely different in their thoughts. They reaction is different to the situation. My father is more stringent to rules and regulation, just like a teacher. My mother is very flexible, and cooperative. There is less coordination and cooperation between them arguments. Even after this short fall in family life they are successful coping the troubles. Because they know their responsibilty very well. They are very conscious to their duties. From my parents I learned two valuable things - one to understand the value of one's own responsibilty and how to deal with them patiently.
My mother said that I was born prematurlay on 8 months but, with great expectation I learned to speak even write Oriya alphabatical letters and numerics when, i'm just 9 months old. This may seems unbelievable but, it inspired me every time, that i'm an abnormal and gifted.
I remembered those harsh days of my childhood. My father was working as primary teacher. At that time there was no regular payment. What the monthly salary was, we were unable to maintain the whole month's expenditure , even sometimes we could not manage to get a full meal in a day. Since I am elder child of my parents, they have special affection and love to me. since my childhood i was sick, suffered from deseases. Most of the monthly salary spent on my treatment. When i grew up, and ready to enter school. My parents tried their level best to enroll me in good school, they prefered over general government school to English medium school. But the financial trouble stood as a great barrier before their dream. Even in such troubles they give their best effort to give me all the things, what the rich family giving their child. What is my life with my parents till my marriage, i know one thing, poverty is seed of all troubles. but when i got married i discovered one great wonder about my parents. simultaneously I ashmed myself, and forced to change my notion ablout poverty and money. How my parents managed to won over poverty . I have little know about their indebtness. They lended 40-50 thousand rupees from a local money lender when I demanded them for my business. This thing haunted my entire life like a nightmare. I hurt them, even I had not pay any respect to their sacrifices.
We faced several seroius consequences of our poverty. My younger sister Santoshini(Joly) in a short period she experienced many up and downs of life. Her life was not normal. With in four years of marriage her husband was died due to liver damage, when one year daughter was on her lap. She struggled hard against sizhophernia and to grow her child. Her in laws abondened her. Even after the financial crisis My parents with great patient give shelter and gave proper treatment . When my parents struggling to cope with all these crisis, I even could not stand up for my self. Even in such situation i got married to my old girl friend Rajeswari. This marriage is still an enigma. Our affairs lasted for 10 years, for the last four years our parents tried for our marriage. But, Irony of the fate is that, every time when the marriage date was fixed by Pandits, we listened the news of death of our kith and keen (many are from her family). Finally the date was fixed, and we got married on 2009 , may 4. Soon after my marriage my wife undergone a major operation for cervical tumor. I sold my golden chain given to me by my in laws to meet the medical expenditure.
This Is my family life -but my professional life is different. Day by day i grew because of my virtue. god is very much ... to me particularly on my profession. Particularly I'm not a serious religious person. I not a regular visiter of temples, i donot like offereings. I don't like to pray god in ant hardship. I think it is a pratices of cowards. Simultaneously I strongly believe the existance of god. i see him in every action, it may be good or bad. I never feel sorry for any trouble. My notion to sprituality is something different to other indians, particularly hindus. In my early days i'm a strong supporter of Hinduism, say a fanatic. At the age of 9 years i joined RSS(Rastriya Swaym sevak sangh) . and became an active member of the organistaion. i worked with the karsevaks, i beared the safforn falgs in rallies, shouted slogans. The inspiration to join in such hardcore hindu organistion may raise eye brow , but my family environment built me like this. As i grew older i understand the secularism. I understood that every religion is equal in god's eye. here, i remember those days, when we were at Keuta street of paralakhemundi town. A bengaldeshi refugee, a suni muslim by belief, we called them '' jee" (means sir), was a neghibour to my house. He loved me much. i remember his gifts, chocolates, biscuits, often brought to our home. He very often join with us in hindu functions and celebration. like we also join with their family in different occassions. When he left india, i cried most. still now i bow before his secular affection.
Here, one thing i want to say, My mother is my iinspiration. She saw the seed of ambition, to be an different man. A man with unique ability and capability. Who have much money to meet the daily needs and more social circle to be famous. She always exhorted to be great man like other ever remembered leaders. Who has no virtual death. Her words and advices are my strength and now it is mingled in my blood and marrow. When ever i feel i' cannot fight any more than, my mother's words becomes beacon, and i stood up again with great vigour and moral strength.